You Still Love Her (Like She Loved You)
by bminor
Summary: Lucas Scott was far too liberal with the word 'forever', and after hearing him say it to someone else, it didn't mean quite as much when he said it to you. What could have happened if Peyton hadn't been so quick to take him back after Lindsey called off the wedding, with a focus on Peyton being more empowered. Mainly a Brooke POV, with a very brief Peyton POV intro.


**A/N:** This was written a while ago. It was another fic I wrote while I was super frustrated with how the LP story was playing out. In particular while I wanted to smack Lucas in his big, dumb head. This is my way of creating a head cannon that Peyton was a little more empowered through this whole thing!  
 **Disclaimer:** I do not own the character, I make no money off of this, etc etc

...

"You said what?!"

Brooke's shriek rang throughout the café. If this had been Tree Hill, heads would have turned in their direction, but in the noise of a Starbucks on the outskirts of New York, it barely received a raised eyebrow. It was never until Peyton left Tree Hill that she realised just how low the default volume of their town was. People talked quieter, walked slower and liked their lives to be as simple as possible, even if reality liked to complicate things somewhat.

Most of the time she liked her home town. Despite the slower pace, Tree Hill was rarely boring, and after the years away she had managed to stop seeing ghosts and painful memories around every familiar corner. But sometimes she needed to be somewhere louder. Somewhere where the sheer pace of other people's lives would drown out the quiet in her head which forced her to confront her own life. Sometimes escapism was just far more appealing.

This was one of those times.

...

Brooke had jumped at the opportunity to escape from the chaos for a few days. It was just an added bonus that they'd be escaping to New York, the home of a million pairs of shoes. But in the past hour she had received the following phone calls:

\- Millicent, a few dozen times, rearranging details of a conference call with Macy's  
\- Lucas, asking if she knew what was going on with Peyton  
\- Haley, asking whether Brooke was free to take care of Jamie for a few hours, and not so subtly trying to get information out of her about Peyton for Lucas  
\- Lucas again, since Peyton was not only ignoring his calls but had now turned her phone off completely.

Brooke was beginning to think she should do the same. It had become pretty obvious to her that you can rarely escape the chaos – you just take it with you and let it play out with a different backdrop.

"Seriously, Peyton, did I just hear you right?" Brooke sat across from her best friend, mouth gaping in shock.

"You heard me." Peyton was nervous and it showed. She was doing her best to seem resolute, but Brooke knew her well enough by now to read her. The slight flush of her cheeks and her shy laughter betrayed her attempt at confidence.

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure I didn't have a stroke or hallucinate it or something."  
"Is it really that shocking?" asked Peyton, playing with her straw.  
"Well, to be honest, yeah. I just didn't expect this from you. Not after everything that's happened since you came back. I mean, Lucas tells you that Lindsey was right about his feelings for you and you say 'that's not enough'? Last time I checked that was pretty much number one on the list of things you wanted to hear from him, right?"

Peyton played with her drink, absent-mindedly stirring it back and forth and focussing intently on the silver pattern of the table. "I know.." she mumbled, softly.

Brooke placed her hand over Peyton's, forcing her to stop stirring and make eye contact. "Peyton, this is me. I'm not judging you, I just don't get it. What's 'not enough'?"

Peyton took a deep breath and the subsequent strengthening of her resolve became immediately evident. Her mouth settled into a determined pout, her shoulders straightened as she sat up to face Brooke, and her eyes became full of a confidence that Brooke wasn't used to seeing. Not when she talked about Lucas, anyway.

"Okay, for a long time, Lucas has been the thing that's missing from my life. Every time I've got that pang inside me that I'm not complete, that something isn't there that should be, I've put it down to him. I know when I first came back I said it wasn't for him, but you and I both know that it was. I needed to come back here for a lot of reasons, but he was the thing that pushed me to do it, you know?"

Brooke nodded, listening carefully.

"And I don't regret coming home, because I got my Brooke back. I got you back, and in lots of ways I got me back too, I guess. But that happened in spite of loving Lucas, not because of it, and I didn't realise that until a few days ago. I was in the studio with Mia and she said how calm I seemed considering the whole wedding fiasco. And I realised that since the moment I stepped through that door, I hadn't even thought about all the Lucas drama. That label is just mine, you know? It's like I know who I am when I'm there, and I finally feel like I'm doing something good with my life. And it has nothing to do with Lucas."

She paused briefly to take a sip of her caramel frappucino. Brooke loved the fact that Peyton's drink of choice hadn't changed since she was a teenager, that she knew what to expect. Evidently, her actions in other areas of her life were harder to anticipate.

"For the first time in my life I have something that he's not a part of. He and Karen helped with the office, and I appreciate that, I do, but I could have rented somewhere cheap or worked from home at first or whatever. I didn't _need_ him to do this, and I'm not used to that - I'm used to him coming in at the last second to save me when things get rough. God, I've come to expect it. But I don't want to be that person. I don't want to _let_ myself be that person anymore, I want to be better, you know?"

Brooke did know, but Peyton was on such a roll by now that she didn't really stop to wait for confirmation.

"I'm 22, for God's sake, I shouldn't just now be figuring out what it's like to live my life without him as the focus. So yes, I do still love him. I am still in love with him. But sooner or later I have to start saving myself when things get rough."

And with the final statement she relaxed slightly in her seat, as if the weight of keeping it all in had finally been lifted and she could now breathe.

Brooke sat in slightly stunned silence. Slowly she began to speak, still digesting everything.

"First of all, that was like the most I've ever heard you speak in one go since..ever. Second of all, I think you're being a little hard on yourself. You've been through a lot, Peyton, and it's not weak to let people help you. I'm just worried that you're going to let him go because you've had an attack of girl power and then regret it later."

Peyton couldn't help but laugh. Brooke had a talent for managing to slip Spice Girls references into the most unexpected places.

"It's not like that. He told me over and over that he loved Lindsey, Brooke. He said he loved her and he wanted to be with _her_."  
"But he never once said to anyone that he didn't love you. He's beyond transparent when it comes to how he feels about you."  
"And that's better? It makes it better that he was in love with me but insisted he loved Lindsey?!" A note of anger crept into her voice.  
"..well, no. Not when you put it like that," Brooke admitted.  
"Look, he wanted me to let him go, so I did, because I wanted _him_ to be happy. Now all of a sudden he's realised he wants me again? Forgive me if I'm not convinced."  
"You know that's bull, Peyton. Lucas loves you, he just needs a little more time to figure out how he feels than most people do. I guess the insight he has into his characters doesn't extend to himself. Go figure."  
"But how do I know that, Brooke? Really? How do I know he's not going to turn around in 2 years' time and decide that it's some other girl who's the one he wants next to him 'when his dreams come true'? When he was with you he was certain you were the one, then when he was with me he was certain again, and even with Lindsey he was still certain. He said 'I do', Brooke. If Lindsey hadn't stopped things, he would be married now, supposedly while still being in love with me. How am I supposed to even begin to trust what he says?"

Brooke could only sit in silence, a mixture of sadness and sympathy across her face, unable to find the words to somehow reassure her best friend. Because the truth was, she knew Peyton was right. Whether Lucas was in love with Peyton or not, and Brooke was convinced that he was, it was irrelevant. The point was that Lucas Scott was far too liberal with the word 'forever', and after hearing him say it to someone else, it didn't mean quite as much when he said it to you. Brooke knew that from first-hand experience. Her silence said enough.

"You see, you know I'm right!" Peyton pushed.

"Okay, I'll admit that you have a point. He doesn't deserve to just snap his fingers and immediately get you whenever he has an epiphany. But…and don't take this the wrong way, honey, but the difference between my relationship with Lucas and yours, is that I didn't get my forever with him because his forever is with _you_. And Lindsey didn't get her forever with him either, because his forever is with you. Whether he realises it or not, Lindsey and I could both see it. I'm not saying that he shouldn't have to earn you back, I'm just saying that when you're ready to forgive him for all the crap he's put you through, you should _let_ him earn you back. You're the one who's supposed to get forever with him, Peyton. Everyone can see that. Even Lucas, finally."

Peyton sighed, lightly tracing patterns with her fingertips in the condensation on the outside of her cup.

"I wish I could be as sure about that as you are." Her anger had been replaced by a look Brooke knew well. A resignation to the way life had a habit of letting her down.  
"Well see that's why I'm your best friend. It's my job to be certain that you guys will work it out when you all you can see is doubt."

She took Peyton's hand and gave it a little squeeze, making sure she caught Peyton's gaze as she did. Brooke Davis may have never had a huge amount of faith in herself, but when it came to her friends she was unwavering in her certainty that they were stronger than anything life threw at them. Especially Peyton. They were survivors, both of them. Hoes over psychos. Hoes over..everything, when it came down to it.

"I love you, Brooke. You know that?" She smiled gently, insanely grateful for her rock through all of this.  
"Of course you do. I'm kind of fabulous," she grinned, a playful smile taking over her face. "Seriously though, you know I love you, too."

It was moments like this which made it all worth it for them, all the boy drama of their past. Fighting over Lucas, fighting for the sake of fighting..in truth they had only kept fighting because they knew there was something worth fighting for. The days of petty drama were long since over, and what they had been left with was simply each other. It was more than enough.

"God, we're turning into a chick flick!" laughed Peyton. "We need Chuck Norris to burst through the doors and roundhouse kick someone in the face, just to balance out the oestrogen levels."  
"Chuck who? Is that some emo rocker guy? Cause Pete was cute but I don't think I could ever get used to guys in eyeliner on a permanent basis," she mused, briefly glancing in her compact mirror.  
"Brooke! Chuck Norris! Walker Texas, Ranger! Pop culture phenomenon! None of this is sounding familiar to you?" she asked, incredulous. When she was met with a blank stare and a shrug of the shoulders she muttered a brief "..remind me to teach you all about Chuck Norris later."  
"Yeah, I really don't care about Chuck Norris. What I do care about is that we are in close proximity to shoes. Pretty, pretty shoes, and none of them are mine yet. Does this situation seem somehow wrong to you?" she questioned, a playful whine entering her voice.  
"Well as long as we're in a chick flick we may as well commit to it and go for the shopping spree."

A little squeal was all the confirmation Peyton needed to stand up and start to follow Brooke, who was already listing off all the shops she wanted to visit, out to the car. Her car. Her Comet. Lucas's comet. He knew it would come back to him, right? _Someday, Lucas_ , she thought. _Someday_.


End file.
